My mum died about 6 months ago.
Wow, 6 months. Mostly I have just been moseying along dealing with the day to day but sometimes, like today, I really miss her and for no particular reason.
I think, with my moseying, it is easy to think, ach it’s just been a while since I’ve seen her, sure I’m dead busy anyway. I’ve been focussing, finally my mum would have said, on my ceramics. Trying to make a go of getting into the swing of being a business person or, more importantly, an artist.
So it is easy to just fool my mind into believing that I just haven’t see her because I am so busy, making her proud.
I do know, don’t get me wrong, the heart of me knows she isn’t here anymore, she isn’t on another long trip in America with my dad. Because I see my dad twice a week, that’s a whole other story, don’t ask, how can I know how he truly is? I think he deals with it in a similar way I do. Let’s not look too far into the future but equally let’s not dwell on the past and what we’ve lost, it hurts too much.
But my husband has a new job and it means he will be away for longer than we had first thought, and therefore home for less time and I suddenly realise how much I liked having him home and how much I leant on him whilst pretending that I completely wasn’t.
And so now, I feel sad. Because two of my most important people aren’t here.
One I will see again, soon, the other I will never see again.
I miss my mum.